In the last week I have had a handful of first time events and a couple of first time in a long time events that I would like to share.
First time in jail:
I can only describe my night in jail as complete desolation. I spent a little over 24hrs. located in the county jail. In those 24hrs. I experienced a host of feelings, ranging from loneliness to absolute despair. I have never felt so helpless, scared and down right frustrated at not being able to communicate with anyone. I absolutely do not ever want to be in that situation again.
First time realizing that I really do have close friends:
I have always felt that I kept my family and friends at arms length. Never really felt like I had any friends that I would consider close. I have just recently found that not only do I have close friends but I actually have more than one. I read a study not long ago that compared Friendship to Food. We need it to survive. I have never felt that way until my trip to county. I have never had to ask my friends or family to be there for me like I have asked them to in the last few months. I am finding that if I would have let them in a long time ago it probably would have been beneficial to my life.
First time in a long time of running a long distance:
I had the great opportunity to run with an experienced runner last week. It really is odd how the miles just fly by when you have a really good conversation going. We ran 3 miles in what seemed like 5 minutes. I was in better shape than I had originally thought. I now find myself yearning to run again and again. I have hard time figuring out if its the running or the company that makes me want to go back again and again but either way, I am always ready to go.
First time in a long time feeling like a person:
I think I am going to start this one off with a quote:
"If you surround yourself with the good and righteous, they can only raise you up. If you surround yourself with the others, they will drag you down into the doldrums of mediocrity, and they will keep you there, but only as long as you permit it."
That being said, It has been a long long time since I have felt as if I was contributing to society and not just being a member of society. A lot of times I would feel like a follower in life and not a leader. I have always been the type to be first in line to do something new, first in line to do something retarded, first to do something seen as a breakthru. In the last 5 years these things have pretty much became things of the past but with a renewed sense of self worth, I would be surprised if I don't do something really awesome in the next month or so.
